up until now guilt

up until now guilt
once triggered
would spread through me
right or wrong
staining my whole life
and now
it´s time
to count more carefully
to eat from the tree of knowledge
of good and evil
to be happy
when it is time for happiness
and to cry
when needs must

untitled

it just wiped me out
don´t know how or why
my head went under
feelings of failure
nostalgia
kitsch dreams of the Father
tides rolling above
i heard nothing
i saw nothing
except the accretion of the past

now slowly, strangely
i´m coming up for air

funeral parlour

looking at the medieval knight
LSD making his closed eyes translucent
he doesn´t speak
the fluffy little dog yapping
calling the other pups
squabbling , balancing on a trestle
the ship does get in
some cargo unloaded

and

and the voice of sexual repression
crashes through
i am nothing
i am empty

and the sperm-soaked dreams
tits, nipples, a thin white bra, kisses
pumping, shouting, the swing of her breasts
their gorgeous cunts
are edited out

and the cambridge philosophers
whips between their teeth
imperiously demanding stringent logic
squatting flies, treading on ants
pushing the button at the abbatoir
watching the bolt kill the cow
behind smeary glass
they dismiss me

and i am empty, am nothing
they drink wine, arguing excitedly
jockeying, joking

and i repeat
i am empty
i am nothing
and i repeat the mantra
to undermine it

a wish

i wish
she were pallas athene
coming to aide and succor me
when my steps falter
yet it´s probably better
that she isn´t

solo

on the bed of the sea
midst the debris of nature´s manifold passages
i have occupied a shell
there i brood
lumbering out ever so seldom
to snatch a morsel
sex food love
and gobble it up

and it´s very dark here
voices
mamma´s call
the kids playing ball
wanting me to join in
that doesn´t reach my ears
except transcribed, redacted
translated, sublimated
into blips
in the signal
in the noise
of the darkness

missing the train

after,
he opened his mouth to confess his weakness
but no, she said
you´re wrong, it´s not like that at all.
we´ve just loved
he thought
i shouldn´t be snivelling
he gathered up his feelings
put his clothes on
and left shortly after