At a place

John Addleton drank some coffee, but it was already tepid, so he set the cup aside. He stroked his moustache and as he sat at his desk, waiting, sentences formed and occupied his mind "I have to go right back", "a play without meaning", "we don´t connect", "where is my mummy?" At five to ten, he checked his tie, pen, briefcase, the shine on his leather shoes, he blew his nose, opened the door and walked towards the chamber. Others milling around outside : "good to see you, Addleton old man, may I introduce ......?","in my opinion just get rid of them, and fast"," how are the children doing ?" "budgetary constraints are all voluntary, as you know." They went inside for the debate, which produced few surprises. At one point Addleton realised that the voices were still in his head " go right back, you have to go right back, right back to the start." At which point he coughed and his coughing, exacerbated by the dry air in the chamber, was so persistent that he had to go out so as not to overly disturb proceedings. He sat on a wooden chair by the door, handkerchief in hand, his eyes wet. It looked a little bit like he had been crying. Two cleaning ladies went by with their mops and brooms and once safely out of earshot laughed at him :" looks like someone stole his favorite toy, poor old Mr. Addleton."

UNDER THE FULL MOON

4 in the morning
asleep on the roof
i wake
moon like a lightbulb
clouds like bedsheets
a dream serves up a reality

she had been swimming naked near the rocks
i bring her a towel that scarcely covers her
she walks over to the young man
her hand reaches inside his loose trousers
pulls out his cock
she takes it in her mouth and starts sucking
moon face serious, concentrated, satisfied
me shocked that she does this while all are watching
and jealousy bites me cold
did i bring her a towel for this ?

ABOUT HAPPINESS

a discussion
a logical explanation
--and if that´s not what I feel ?
springloaded rationality counters at once
take two steps to the left, turn
and jump !
infallible
if you believe

NO PLACE

no foot to stand on
grabbing at the ropes
ocean churning and swelling
opening ravenous maws

my song is the sea
in every motion of her body
my song is at sea
with no ground
with no footing
and no bottom

WHAT´S IT LIKE LIVING WITH GEORGE ?

he´s a man without contours

a man of just corners

no fluidity

just knots of barbed wire

is this because of some great injustice

wreaked upon him ?

no

it´s just george´s way of expressing himself

of dramatising his little problems

yapping and giving out little cries

george suffers from absence

george is not there when he is here

when recalled, when one insists that he turn up,

a maudlin prisoner shuffles up

or an old queen in a pique pouting

petrified in painted styles

george misses his mummy

but that´s so many long years back now

lord have mercy on george

lord grant that he may take himself up

hot nights in the future

and it could so be
sometime in the red-pillared room
grimly sadly sweetly a hospital bed
and up on the night terrace
sun lotion, grill smells, perfume
waft up salty cloying his nostrils
he rides his forefinger over a well-clipped moustache
then howling at the wind and coughing and crying
he screams and hollers
like there is no tomorrow

ALMOST 60 YEARS OLD

these many years are flown
i still know nothing
about me
about the world
certainty about the world is clearly impossible
but knowing who i am
what i feel
that should somehow be possible
i am scared
scared of nothing
scared of everything

the drunken cousin

these voices in my head
none of them speak my language
all of the voices in my head
from my childhood
growing up
from my adult life
we don´t connect
and i sit stubborn
shivering cold
the drunken cousin
in the corner